A Little Fresh Air: Walking It Off.

Brentford - five miles from home 

= a few cobwebs dusted from my mind

I've been trying to take a more sensible approach to working off some of the stuffing and pastry-based products Christmas always includes for me, and just aiming for a number of steps in a day. Sensible rather than ultra juicing (kale only, of course) whilst doing a billion squats a day is the only way at the moment.

I don't have the time to run during daylight hours, and I have about as much enthusiasm for getting up in the dark and rain to run as I have to spend an entire 5 seconds listening to a 1970s open university programme on physics. I'm aiming for 10000 steps a day, which is just about doable with the number of escalator steps plus making meetings at least a floor away from where I am, so I have to clock some extra paces.

Syon House and the Thames on a cold, clear day

The year has brought some new responsibilities, which have given me much to think about, and little time in which to put thoughts into actions. As the new network chair of our mental health network at work I am really keen to follow on the amazing work the last chair and committee put in, not least since supporting mental health has become so central to my life.

Free as a bird. How I want my mind to be.

For this reason I was thrilled to take on a voluntary role leading digital and social communications for the City Mental Health Alliance, too, which is an incredible opportunity to help support colleagues in the city beyond my own organisation. These opportunities will help me to achieve my goal of reaching more organisations with the truth about what mental health really means (from my own perspective especially) and that people can thrive professionally with the right level of support from their work and the care they give to themselves.

Kew Gardens from the tow path. Nothing but views.

Critically, while any change is going on, I need to make sure that I take care of my mental health, so I don't risk exhaustion and having to give up these things, which would risk bringing out that old chestnut self-loathing, always a very unwelcome guest in my life. "Balance," I keep telling myself, "balance." I really need to find this as much as possible to keep me well, at work and out of hospital. Enough activity, enough active rest and enough physical rest and time out from doing anything at all. I need all of these things for the best chance to stay well.

Even if it means getting a bid mucky, I'm up for a challenge.

Mentally and physically, I think.

It's definitely easier said than done. I'm the first to admit that I'm not very good at saying 'no' to exciting opportunities, even if they might take a lot of work. I don't want the fact that I have depression to get in the way of taking on ambitious projects in my life.

Choosing pathways. Nearly six miles in.

I admit that in the past I've tried to manage an ever increasing workload by ploughing on through it at all hours of the day (particularly in the past, trying to get promoted and actively panicking that if I made a single 'mistake' that I would miss out). Now I know that working 100 hour weeks is not even realistic for one week, let alone a string of them. So even though my stomach currently has butterflies at the amount of work I have on for the weeks ahead, I have forced myself not to spend the weekend working or completing ever more activities. The weekends are there for a reason, and I will just get ill and stressed if I don't have a break.

Kew Bridge and rowing.

I think I chose a slightly more sedentary activity, but lovely to see!

Yesterday, then, I decided to spend time on things that would help me to take time out and hopefully get a different perspective. And what often helps me is to get out and about, into the fresh (and ideally not rainy) air and walk.

And it's quite hard to get lost!

I learned about London on foot. I first moved to Archway, single and with a lot of friends well established with their weekends filled, so, with no other plans, I used to walk all the way down Holloway Road on a Sunday morning and keep going, into the deserted city, its austere stone blocks feeling almost as cold as Oxford on any autumnal morning as no pedestrians and few cars blunted the sharp wind racing around its tall, noble cornices. Nowadays I really am spoiled for choice, living near to two of our most beautiful royal parks - Richmond and Bushy - and a five minute walk from the Thames.

Perfect running weather. Or walking. Or rowing. 

Perfect.

My mother taught me to be a walker in Nottingham, where I grew up. To my horror, on days when at least half of my classmates had to stay away from school due to snow, because we lived in the centre of town, there was no discussion: we would walk. I find it faintly comical now, because the walk was fewer than two miles in length, but to my five or six year old self it was a marathon distance, on top of the massive unfairness of having to go to school when I wanted to stay at home and make snowmen.

Under the district line across to Chiswick. 

I have many happy memories of walking now, though, and it has always kept me - relatively - fit. Mat and I have a shared love of walking around London, which his friends exploited when he was made to walk (for pleasure) from Hammersmith to central London for his stag do, and made to (for their pleasure) down a shot chaser with every pint consumed, at every pub, along the way. Ouch.

A booze-free walk for me. Phew!

I had to walk to the doctor two weeks ago as I appear to have developed sleep apnoea... always a delight to have a new condition to add to my collection... and wanted the exercise. It has been so wet and miserable here in January so far that I have shunned running and even a walk to the station has been a chore.

Made it to Chiswick Bridge... nearly there!

But walking makes me feel so much better. Or at least prevents me from feeling any worse, if I'm feeling unwell. I have always found a lovely rhythm to walking. I can listen to the birds or the river or the traffic; I can listen to podcasts (Woman's Hour is a firm favourite) or audio books, or I can listen to the Frozen soundtrack or the Trout quintet, with no one any the wiser what music I might have in my ears!

Under the bridge

As I walk, I don't care so much about whatever I've left behind. Part of me is concentrating on not falling over, so there can only be so much focus on the extended to-do list; part of me is listening to the soundtrack of my choice. And lastly, my eyes are part devouring, part dwelling on, the sights to every side.

Mud. Nothing doing. Mud.

I'm lucky to live in a place where I can walk so far along the river to many destinations, to the shops two or three miles away, depending on the direction, or farther afield, and all bypassing beautiful houses, boats, locks, gull, herons, cormorants and many river birds, proprietary robins, bridges, gardens and streams and rivers. And of course, the city buildings and omnipresent sky.

A mere spattering. I got off lightly!

The mud is another matter, and not particularly top of my list of things I want to adorn myself with as a fashionable accessory. Elizabeth Bennet may have got away with it, but she was, after all, the wittiest of women, and the beauty of Hertfordshire, as even Mr. Darcy realised in the end.

 "She has nothing, in short, to recommend her, but being an excellent walker. I shall never forget her appearance this morning. She really looked almost wild."
   "She did indeed, Louisa. I could hardly keep my countenance. Very nonsensical to come at all! Why must she be scampering about the country, because her sister had a cold? Her hair, so untidy, so blowsy!"
   "Yes, and her petticoat; I hope you saw her petticoat, six inches deep in mud, I am absolutely certain; and the gown which had been let down to hide it, not doing its office."
   "Your picture may be very exact, Louisa," said Bingley; "but this was all lost upon me. I thought Miss Elizabeth Bennet looked remarkably well when she came into the room this morning. Her dirty petticoat quite escaped my notice."

There are other benefits. The assault of nature experienced while walking is another way of practising mindfulness. Except of course that you're not really practising, it's got you with both hands. There is no way that I can just ignore sights like those above when I'm walking. In fact I think I made myself a bit late yesterday by stopping so many times to take photographs.

Even the river bank is fascinating.

I've seen mice, rats (I like rats by the river)

and many other lovely animals and plants.

As well as all the above, it is lovely to meet so many people along the way on the river - quite different to my earlier north London experiences early on a Sunday morning. Cyclists, runners, yes, but walkers of all ages and many nationalities with dogs, dressed for a smart Saturday lunch, dressed for another 30 miles in well-trodden walking boots, it is simply lovely to spend an hour (or three) on a bracing walk. It warms you up in the cold, and warms me through to participate in this community activity, albeit on my own, with a simple smile of "Hello" to those I pass.

Dry routes are good. As long as you're still dry.

Yesterday I met friends in Barnes (west London) for a pub lunch. And there really only is one thing I love better than a pub lunch with good friends, and that is a pub lunch with good friends that I feel that I've thoroughly earned at the end! I had my work cut out to make it there on time with a slightly more relaxed stroll with Mat to Richmond (three miles) before the remaining five and a half to cover at a considerably speedier pace!

End in sight!

This week will be very busy again, and I know that my to do list is only minutely shorter for the few things I've accomplished today. (Then again, I did make it to the tip today. Things really don't get much more exciting than that.) However busy it will be, though, I have breathed fresh air and had a decent attempt at exercise. And there are always West Wing conversations to be had. That's my tip of the week, dear professional readers. If you want to get a meeting with someone who doesn't have time for a meeting, go and meet them as their meeting ends and walk them to their next meeting. Polish your elevator pitch or the points you need to raise to a minute's chat and you might be surprised what you accomplish in a short walk around the building (as well as adding a few more steps to your day)!

Yeah. Not sure...

I slept better, and woke surprisingly rested (albeit with rather aching legs this afternoon). As always, I will see how the week goes. But tomorrow when I get on those escalators at Waterloo, I'll know that a few steps are - in more ways than one - in the right direction. Take care. x

Hooray! A lemonade for the muddy woman with the purple hair.

Community Spirits...Let's All Stand Together in Love, Support and Respect

Sitting and reflecting on the wonderful communities I belong to

Did you know that there was a time when communities didn't exist at all? I hadn't thought of it until I was in my third year at university learning about Ancient Greece and I started reading about the way city states (poleis or polis, singular) were created.

"Greek citizenship stemmed from the fusion of two distinct but related elements, (a) the notion of the individual state as a 'thing' with boundaries, an ongoing existence, and a power of decision, and (b) the notion of its inhabitants participating in its life as joint proprietors."

Of course, communities and the act of living together go back tens of thousands of years before this, but as any historian would say, that's "not my period"! (I think they were talking about dates, though one can never be too sure.) As early as the seventh century BC, people were identifying themselves as a group with the people who lived around them, making boundaries that defined where they were and then taking part in life as a group.

Totally Locally... Teddington

For me it's hard to believe that people didn't always have a joint identity at least where they lived. Now, of course, we have communities all around us, not only where we live, but where we work, where we exercise, where we go to school or university, and where we join groups with like-minded people for artistic, political, religious or any other type of shared interest.

We all stand together. Indeed. Love this.

Over the past year I've experienced some of the best community spirits I could possibly imagine.
My work colleagues in the KPMG Learning Academy are brilliant people who have supported me with reasonable adjustments for my health, real dedication and team spirit for every project we've worked on together. I've made friends at Bushy Park parkrun where we gather in rain or frost or (crosses fingers) sunshine at 9am on a Saturday to do a collectively mad thing and run around the park for a 5K run. I've been accepted by Mind as a volunteer and together we are working on addressing the stigma around mental health and trying to raise funds to get people the support they so deserve, and the respect that should be a given but is still something many are struggling to find. I've had my wonderful friends, who have sent me messages in tough times and shared their own troubles with me, and we've supported each other, which, as my therapist keeps telling me, is exactly how it should be.

A new community of friends made through

Helen Astrid and her Singing Academy

The community I haven't mentioned about is the place where I live - Teddington. Having broken back my back late last year, and also trying to manage my depression through 'reasonable adjustments' like home working and not travelling, I've stayed at home to work for a lot of my working weeks. As I've said before, this is hugely helpful because I've been able to stave off loneliness which I experience when I'm isolated too much from others, It's a balance for me of wanting to get out into the world and see people and feeling that I'm not up to it on other days. Thankfully at the moment those days are much fewer, but I do pause to check in with my health regularly to see if I'm lower than usual and might need to do something extra to keep my health as good as I can.

London, Christmas Style

Teddington is a small town about 35 minutes from central London by train. Many families live here, many people (from my small network) seem to have grandparents or great aunts here. And there are also people like me, in their thirties (and twenties) who have a flat here because it's (just about) affordable based on quite a good salary and is not too far away from central London. It used to be colloquially and locally known as Deadington, lacking many shops, with a fairly unhealthy crime rate and not much going on.

Thanks Postman Pat for teaching me about communities from an early age.

Plus, you had a cat called Jess. I had to be on your team!

What a difference even in the five years since we've lived here. We have a huge range of unique shops selling everything you could want, and a particularly strong collection of independent shops, which I'm really proud of, especially given our current economic climate and how challenging it is to afford all things small-business.

Hands up!

Within those small businesses I've made friends with some very special people in the last year. I've been able to get out of the house and experience just a little bit of the outside world when I'm particularly unwell, or when better I've had wonderful conversations with these people and we've shared laughs and experiences in a way that has been hugely beneficial to my mental health. I am really touched by the kindness, support and love that I've received (and hopefully I've given some of this back!).

My mum... I'm so lucky to have a supportive family

Last night I launched my mental health campaign #RedefiningResilience at 1of1 Designs, a beautiful treasure trove of a shop where you can find many, many treats for yourself or your home, run with love by Kate and her husband Charlie, who also generously donated 10% of takings to Mind last night. Other special local businesses (and a few chains too) were kind enough to donate raffle prizes for the night, which raised money for Mind. A local couple who run a wine company - Doran Vineyards - provided wine for the event, my friend Hannah (whom I had not seen for 15+ years since we left school!) went above and beyond the bounds of friendship and made 50 cupcakes with cherry blossom decoration to match the brand.

AND they tasted SO GOOD

On top of all of the above, the friends who either came along or sent messages of good luck from wherever they were, truly touched me. I think it's probably quite hard to be friends with me because although I manage to work full time and hardly ever take a day off, there have to be trade-offs for this, and they come in the form of my being not always that social. That being said, I love my friends, I love seeing them and that we support each other, and last night very special messages came my way, and some people discovered that the journey from Highgate to Teddington really does take about an hour and a half, even on good public transport! Eek!

My friend George...A super friend.

I am a part of a community of individuals challenging stigma around mental health, but in all of the above I find myself in communities. At work, in Teddington, in my interests in books and films and food, and in much more. Within our communities we can make positive changes - whether that's at work or elsewhere. Working together, supporting one another, we can grow. As a change management specialist, who tries to shape change within organisations through learning, communicating and bringing people together, I see everyday why it is important that we have our communities (or our networks if that sounds more work-appropriate).

Speaking at the Redefining Resilience Launch in Teddington

at 1of1Designs Teddington, who generously hosted the event

The communities that I have chosen form my identity, as a friend, wife, colleague, campaigner, patient and more. Without this support, I don't think I could be here today, so thank you to all of you.
I have included some pictures and videos of the communities in my video diary series #12DaysOfXmasMH. This short Christmas campaign describes my experiences of what resilience and what mental health is like for me, and a big part of that is finding support from others that enables me to keep going.

More posts to come, but for now, thank you, readers, because you are a part of this community reading the blog and interacting with mental health and life and all its winding pathways. Take care of yourselves and I send you much love for the weekend. x

Can't wait to give these gifts to my family tomorrow!